Illustration by Sebald Beham (1539)
Grounding today. Its been a week of much reflection. I've been unwell, but honestly I think it's just stress with all the recent and upcoming appointments. I've also been thinking of my friend Julie of late. It will be two years at the end of the month since she passed away. In general there has been a lot loss over the past few years that's still being processed. I've also been helping my younger siblings (emotionally and financially) through some things, and I think my body at this point is just exhausted and telling me I need to rest, recuperate and come back into temperance. After all we are human not Titans. We all have crosses to bear, but we are not meant to carry the weight of the world on our shoulders. The world projects enough on the psyche already without that. Heck I even worry about transference when it comes to therapy.
I've also come across something called "Eldest daughter syndrome", that got me thinking about my childhood. I am not yet ready to go into too much detail about that yet. But this quote pretty sums up most of it in a nutshell. My Mum being similar to myself and my Father having narcissistic tendencies; plus drinking too much, which is why I've tried to limit my consumption of alcohol, as I have also seen this addictive trait afflict other people around me. A relative of mine broke my trust once, they had erratic behaviour while staying at my home and damaged some of my things in the process. I presumed it was due to them grieving the loss of a relationship as they had said they were sober, however I found some hidden bottles of alcohol afterwards, which made me rethink our relationship.
“Highly sensitive children can come from mothers and fathers with the same traits. In addition, parenting plays a role. Childhood neglect or abuse can also affect sensitivity levels for adults. A portion of empaths I’ve treated have experienced early trauma, such as emotional or physical abuse, or were raised by alcoholic, depressed, or narcissistic parents. This could potentially wear down the usual healthy defences that a child with nurturing parents develops. As a result of their upbringing, these children typically don’t feel “seen” by their families, and they also feel invisible in the greater world that doesn’t value sensitivity.”- Judith Orloff
For reference:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5udJgxOBrtk (Projection)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QX_cp1K514E (Transference)
https://theconversation.com/what-is-eldest-daughter-syndrome-and-how-can-we-fix-it-202016 (Eldest daughter syndrome)
Addendum: I now know that this would fall under what psychologists call Parentification-
