Looking through this book by Alex Elle and recognising this (see pages above) from the communities I grew up in; as well as the stigma that came with topics such as assault and mental health. Not to mention sexuality... I remember not wanting to return to church after a member of our youth group came out as gay in the 90s, and the ostracization he endured was just vile and off-putting. I also remember the pit of sin they would create at the start of lent, where we had to write down all of our transgression and throw them in there to be buried, knowing that they would likely not stay where they fell.
Lastly, knowing that I knew someone (young male) who was offered tutoring from a parishioner, at the cost of them requesting something completely inappropriate. Thankfully their family spoke up, and the predator involved never returned as a consequence. But as an adult, I've also questioned how many times they may have done that before. It's not always easy to tell, and not all told believe. I remember once as a teenager an old family friend who I called Uncle grabbed me and made me sit on his lap, he was whispering to me about how "ripe" I was looking and asked me to come away with him on a cruise. We were at my Gran's at that point, (he was part of my Gran's dominoes group) and the whole situation left me feeling confused and nauseous, given that he'd known me since childhood. My Gran at that time was in the kitchen, so I let her know what had happened, which left her absolutely livid due to his betrayal of her trust. In a rage I remember her physically hitting him multiple times with her walking stick and making him understand clearly (in patois), that he was no longer welcome.
Thus, over time I've understood that not all communities like this can be considered a safe place (religiously or culturally) due to the people within them. With that, my beliefs have shifted to where my spirituality now goes hand in hand with my emotional, physical and mental well-being (the kingdom/enlightenment is within me). I still practice some aspects of the faith I grew up in (by praying and lighting candles), as I find this comforting, however I've not felt the need to belong to something that once brought shame and judgment, rather than acceptance and compassion, when I (and many other's) were still trying to figure out who they were and find their place in the world.
Afterwords: With such a heavy topic, I would like to share with you this uplifting poem by artist Morgan Harper Nichols. I learnt about her through another interview within this book. I found her truth around healing through art incredibly inspiring as well as compelling, especially in regard to fears around death (something I experienced after the loss of my friend), inherited health conditions (Sjogren's and Lupus have impacted my family greatly), and her late autism spectrum diagnosis, as a Mum myself to a neurodivergent child.
