A follow up to my blog posted on 9th June 2024...
Concluding thoughts: In regard to parenthood, I often think of this poem by Khalil Gibran as both a parent (in regard to my son) and as a child (being someone's daughter):
There are a lot of expectations when it comes to this area. As a child we have expectations of how our parents should be, but as we get older, we see that our parents are far from these idolised visions we have placed on a pedestal, but rather imperfect human beings impacted by their own experiences, environments, and coping mechanisms. As parents we also need to let go of expectations and control of who we want or think our children should be. In regard to their academics, future career prospects and the romantic relationships we envision for them as they do not owe us anything.
In response to those who choose not to be parents I completely understand that also as a parent myself. Children are a huge responsibility that not everyone feels comfortable taking on. Some may not want the financial burden, or fear passing on a physical, psychological, or neurological condition. Some may want to focus on achieving their career goals or may not have the ability to bear them in the first place. Some may prefer the company of fur babies or are simply happy on their own or with a partner(s). Some have suffered from complex trauma from loss, abuse, or even discrimination against their gender identity or sexual orientation and may want to opt for adoption instead, but laws will not allow it.
Parenthood is a complex matter and I do not agree with either side calling each other selfish for making the choices they do, because at the end of the day wanting to live a life that is best suited to you is your prerogative, as long as it is not harming anyone. The only life you should be so invested in is your own, and when it comes to children have an understanding that despite not having a choice in regard to being born, they are still individuals (not our property or extensions of ourselves), to be guided not moulded, to be nurtured not hindered in regard to them forging their own paths. They are on this journey with you not for you, and they have a choice to leave you behind if you are negatively impacting their life or growth, and vice versa. (for example, my father has had issues with alcohol, and I have witnessed a mother turn her back on her daughter in order to help her Granddaughter)
As a child I’ve also had to let go of romanticized representations of what a parent should be, from the media I would watch or by just observing other families around me, because having these views I feel somewhat hampered me, I hurt myself in hope of a life I was never going to have, which was a difficult pill to swallow and accept over time, especially when being quite the optimist. Also, in regard to my relationships with others, I've tried to always live by the golden rule of morality (treating others as I'd want to be), however I know from experience this does not always happen so (as mentioned in a previous post) I've had to let go of the eidos (idea) to some extent. I can hope for the best when it comes to the above when meeting new people, while also recognising that may not be the end outcome, and act accordingly to either-or scenario.
Below I have put a link to a video that I watched around this subject. It also touches on the philosophy of Jean-Paul Sartre who is well known for his book "Existentialism is a Humanism".
(Einzelganger- Walking away from marriage, children, and other stuff we're supposed to have)
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=aWGZadtZHwo&list=LL&index=7&t=629s&pp=gAQBiAQB